"You never get over it. It's been 20 years since we lost her and we think about her every day."

A couple of years ago at The Gathering ” we had a panel of four parents who had lost children. We didn't do it to be sensational or dramatic. We did it because a number of families in The Gathering have children who have died.

Some of these children have been young” and others were older like the couple I quote above who lost a daughter early in her marriage. No one really wanted to do the panel and honestly I felt a twinge of guilt about asking them. But I knew it was the right time to open up the conversation. Yes it was painful ” and for some it was the first time they had talked openly about the loss.

It's not an annual event at The Gathering. In fact” we may never do it again ” but it was right for that time.

The other night” ” Carol and I attended a "come and go" for supporters of a local Christian school. We have been involved in one way or another for a long time and have watched with pride and delight as it grew from the dream of one man into an established community.

Every year we meet new parents and grandparents who are excited about the school’s mission” and these receptions are encouraging. However ” across the room that night was a couple we had known well 25 years ago when we were in church and raising our families together. We had moved to another congregation and lost contact with them.

In 2005″ their son Kyle was a young pastor baptizing a member of his congregation. As he reached for the corded microphone ” he was jolted by electricity and did not survive. He was 33. The woman going to be baptized was unharmed.

Kyle left a wife and three young children. I've often believed there is no pain like a parent's pain. It's true…and there is no getting over it. It's permanent and life-changing.

So” ” for the first time in many years we sat down with Kyle’s parents and talked – just the four of us. While there was the initial hesitation of our wondering if it would be uncomfortable for them – and us – I am convinced it is the reason we went that night.

Yes” their lives will never be the same but they were not destroyed. As we talked about the foundation they created in Kyle's honor (www.kylelake.org) to support ministries to kids and pastors I knew "getting over it" is impossible but taking something life-destroying and creating a gift for so many others is not. A “come and go” ended up being a reunion of the best kind.