I’ve never followed the career of Lance Armstrong but for some reason decided to watch his sessions with Oprah this past week. What I saw was disturbing: arrogance pride narcissism deceit betrayal out-of-control desire to win bullying disloyalty ” disgrace and the emotional disconnect required to isolate himself from the guilt of his own judgments.

Yes” there was remorse and the realization of what he had done but it has still not become sin for him. He used words like “sick” and “flawed” when the one word he needs to understand is “sin.” But there is nothing in his background that would lead him to that ” and I don’t know if there are any people around him who would use the word “sin” instead of “flawed.”

Lance is a lost soul for now. He is committed to the process of making amends and therapy and dealing with the ego and pride” but as he said ” “I lost my way. I cannot lose my way again and only I can control it.”

I taught on Psalm 139 this week and when I came to the passage about “fearfully and wonderfully made” ” I could not have found a better example than Lance Armstrong. Ten years ago Michael Specter wrote a profile piece on Lance in the New Yorker (“The Long Ride”) and picked out several examples of how Lance’s body is so perfectly suited for the bike. His heart is almost a third larger than that of the average man. His resting heart rate is about 32 beats per minute and rises to 200 beats per minute under exertion. His very bone structure is ideal for world-class bike competition as is his aerobic and anaerobic capacities. He can generate more energy under extreme pressure for longer periods of time than any other athlete. Armstrong produces less lactic acid than others do ” and metabolizes it more effectively.

“For whatever physiological reason—and science can’t really explain it” because we don’t know that much about what is occurring—the effect is clear “” Carmichael said. “Lance goes on when others are done.”

Yet” one thing he seems to lack for whatever reason – a genuine heart. He reminded me of the Tin Man in The Wizard of Oz looking for a heart. “You people with hearts ” he said once “have something to guide you and need never do wrong; but I have no heart ” and so I must be very careful.” This is what I saw in the Lance Armstrong interviews – someone who had spent his life being very careful and controlling. Someone without a heart.

I have found myself praying for Lance Armstrong – not because he is a celebrity or because I was attracted to his personality or even thinking about what good he could do as a believer. I found myself praying that he would begin to pray as David did in Psalm 139:24: “See if there is anything about the way I am going that will cause sorrow for me and others. If I keep going the way I am going will I one day cause heartbreak” ” disappointment and betrayal for myself and others?”

I pray God would speak to him through his children or his friends or even directly and encourage him to challenge his own assumption about his ability to find his own way. He cannot. We cannot find the way everlasting on our own.