There are several miracles in the Bible related to a woman not having a child. Sarah and Abraham, Rebekah and Isaac, Hannah, the mother of Samuel, Samson’s mother, and the Shunammite woman and her elderly husband. To be without a child is not only to be without a family or security for the future. It is, as in the case of Elizabeth and others, a disgrace and a reproach.
It’s a particular kind of disgrace in that it is not just a personal disappointment. It is a public disgrace that makes people uncomfortable around you. The word here is “oneidos” and it is the word for character or reputation. It means what one is known for and not just a particular physical condition. It is disgrace that includes gossip, innuendo, knowing looks, suspicion, and exclusion – especially in a time when God was the source of all blessing and reproach. It was not simply the inability to have a child. It was a public failure of character. Stories of infertility in Scripture are not just about waiting to have a child but about everything else in life.
They are stories about living with no purpose, unanswered prayer, dark doubt, disappointment in God, humiliation and a life that might as well be over. It is a condition of a particular kind of barrenness – an emptiness that is just as real as childlessness. I thought about that when I read the story of an acquaintance this week – Dr. Ed Dobson (Attachment 1).
What are our reproaches that affect our relationships and reputation and weigh us down – that make us feel defeated like Hannah in 1 Samuel 1: miserable, great anguish and grief. They are not things we can change about our lives but things that can only be changed by God. How do we live with those?
I also thought about it when I read something written by Dallas Willard this week. “I meet many faithful Christians who, in spite of their faith, are deeply disappointed in how their lives have turned out. Sometimes it is simply a matter of how they experienced aging, which they take to mean they no longer have a future. But often, due to circumstances or wrongful decisions and actions by others, what they had hoped to accomplish in life they did not. Much of the distress of these good people comes from a failure to realize that their life lies before them… the life that lies endlessly before us in the Kingdom of God.”
2. Let’s look at Mary. Her situation is different. It will still be public reproach, In fact, in Matthew’s account, Joseph determines to break the engagement quietly to save her from public disgrace. It’s her response to her condition that I want to look at this morning. It is what scholars call “The Magnificat”.
Mary’s Song
46 And Mary said:
“My soul glorifies the Lord :
47 and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
48 for he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
49 for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
holy is his name.
50 His mercy extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation.
51 He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
52 He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble.
53 He has filled the hungry with good things
but has sent the rich away empty.
54 He has helped his servant Israel,
remembering to be merciful
55 to Abraham and his descendants forever,
just as he promised our ancestors.”
What is our picture of Mary typically? Virgin, humble servant, frightened mother who cannot find the young Jesus who has stayed behind in Jerusalem, mourning mother standing by while Jesus is crucified and widow who is adopted by John at the end. How is she presented to us in art and music? Always young, always beautiful and always in the shadow of Jesus. I don’t think that is accurate. I think she was far stronger and central than that.
In fact, I think these verses show up time and again in the life and teaching of Jesus. I think God picked Mary not just because she was a virgin but because she had a particular set of values he desired for His son. The Journal of Marriage and Family after 653 studies came to the conclusion that mothers values were stronger predictors of political and religious values in their children (Attachment 2).
These verses represent themes that were repeated over and over again in the young life of Jesus. These beliefs became his beliefs and these values became his. I don’t think he just learned these directly from God. He was shaped by Mary – a very strong woman who God could trust to raise His son.
His mercy extends to those who fear him – The lesson of the Good Samaritan is mercy
He has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts – the description of the Pharisees as corrupt on the inside because of their pride.
He has lifted up the humble – The first will be last and the last first.
He has filled the hungry – feeding of the 5,000. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst.
He has sent the rich away – the rich young ruler.
He has remembered to be merciful – Blessed are the merciful for they will receive mercy.
These are core themes in the teaching of Jesus and I think it is because these themes were in his home and taught to him by his mother.
3. In the case of John it is the father who speaks. He actually sings. It is Mary who speaks.
Zacharias’ song is concentrated on Jesus for the most part but it is clear that John will be raised to know his life is one of preparing the way for Jesus. “You will go on before the Lord to prepare the way for him, to give his people knowledge of salvation through the forgiveness of their sins.” Those are the themes in John’s life. Zacharias was very clear about how their son would be raised. He would be raised for a singular purpose and in a particular way. His life was not his own. He never had to wonder about his purpose in life or what God had for him to do. He was born to prepare the way for someone else.
It is not just in his relationship to Jesus in the Gospels that we see the influence of John. If you turn to Acts 18/19 we can see the long term effect of his unique calling.
Acts 18:24:
“24 Meanwhile a Jew named Apollos, a native of Alexandria, came to Ephesus. He was a learned man, with a thorough knowledge of the Scriptures. 25 He had been instructed in the way of the Lord, and he spoke with great fervor[a] and taught about Jesus accurately, though he knew only the baptism of John. 26 He began to speak boldly in the synagogue. When Priscilla and Aquila heard him, they invited him to their home and explained to him the way of God more adequately. 27 When Apollos wanted to go to Achaia, the brothers and sisters encouraged him and wrote to the disciples there to welcome him. When he arrived, he was a great help to those who by grace had believed. 28 For he vigorously refuted his Jewish opponents in public debate, proving from the Scriptures that Jesus was the Messiah.”
Acts 19:1-7:
Paul in Ephesus
“1 While Apollos was at Corinth, Paul took the road through the interior and arrived at Ephesus. There he found some disciples 2 and asked them, “Did you receive the Holy Spirit when[b] you believed?” They answered, “No, we have not even heard that there is a Holy Spirit.” 3 So Paul asked, “Then what baptism did you receive?” “John’s baptism,” they replied. 4 Paul said, “John’s baptism was a baptism of repentance. He told the people to believe in the one coming after him, that is, in Jesus.” 5 On hearing this, they were baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. 6 When Paul placed his hands on them, the Holy Spirit came on them, and they spoke in tongues[c] and prophesied. 7 There were about twelve men in all.”
This was the origin of the church at Ephesus – through a disciple of John. It was founded on the knowledge of salvation and accurate teaching about Jesus and repentance – but without the Holy Spirit. The teaching of John and the baptism of John were widespread in the early church. The disciples of John continued to teach long after his death and their teaching spread far beyond Jerusalem. Apollos is a good example of the influence of John. As well, Aquila and Priscilla are good examples of Luke’s regard for the influence of women in the church. Who is it that takes Apollos aside and instead of rebuking him for his teaching they invite him into their home and explain to him the way of God more adequately?
Even today, in a sense, we have disciples of John. They have an accurate understanding of Jesus and thorough knowledge of the Scripture. They have been instructed in the way of the Lord and they speak boldly about repentance and forgiveness. But they are without the full power of the Holy Spirit. I am not talking about speaking in tongues or the power of miracles. That is not what Paul was asking them about. He was asking them if they had the power of the Holy Spirit that went beyond the power of humanly gifted teachers and leaders. Did they have the supernatural gifts in addition to the natural talents…and they did not.
But the ministry of John goes on in another way as well. It goes on in preparing people for Jesus. It goes on in teaching the accurate knowledge of Jesus and the need for repentance. It goes on in the spreading the knowledge of the Gospel to prepare people for the power of the Gospel. The work of John is important but not complete without the work of the Holy Spirit. It will make moral people out of immoral people but it will not make people into what God fully intends. Just as Jesus said to the rich young ruler and Paul said to the disciples of Apollos – Yet there is one thing you are missing.
4. Because we know how things turn out there is a sadness for us that overshadows their joy but they don’t know about it yet, do they? Elizabeth and Zechariah do not know about Herod or Salome. Mary does not know about Pilate or Judas. For now, there is nothing but joy and expectation of lives that are blessed by God and children who will be light in the darkness.
It’s tempting to want reach into the story and to say to them, “Don’t get your hopes so high because something is waiting for you and your children that you cannot know now. Something that will test you and make you doubt the love of the God you are now praising. It will not always be this way. Dark times are just around the corner that will tear your life apart and break your heart.”
If we did we would be wrong because even we do not know the end of the story because it is our story as well. As the old hymn says, “We cannot know what tomorrow holds but we know who holds tomorrow.” Ed Dobson is right. It is enough to trust God today.
Attachment 1. Ed Dobson’s Story
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Former Megachurch Pastor Reflects on Battle With Lou Gehrig’s Disease
Tue, Feb. 28, 2012 Posted: 11:20 AM EDT
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When Ed Dobson was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease, he thought his life was over.
Given only two to five more years to live, the former mega church pastor, who fully understood the disease’s degenerative symptoms, began to slowly give up on his life, which was once busy and populated, opting instead to isolate himself in bed. That is, until one day God spoke to him in a high pitched New York accent.
More specifically, God used his friend Billy, the actual one with the accent, to speak to him and wake him up from his depression.
“[Billy] said, ‘Ay, you need to be a Yogi Berra Christian,’” Dobson recalled in the first of his seven-part film series produced by Flannel, the makers of Francis Chan’s BASIC videos and Rob Bell’s NOOMA series.
“I have no clue what he’s talking about … so I ask him what does that mean? And he says, ‘It ain’t over till it’s over.’”
Finding profound truth in the simple statement made by his friend, who experienced the “worst of the worst” and yet still remained hopeful each day, the Michigan preacher finally began living again in spite of the disease.
“I had considered my life as over,” Dobson stated. “But it wasn’t. The doctors gave me two to five years. That was over 10 years ago. If I’d given up and laid down to die, I would have missed walking my daughter down the aisle, I would have missed the birth of all five grandchildren. I would say Billy’s phone call was God speaking to me with a New York accent.”
As a sufferer of Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS), a form of Motor Neuron Disease that is characterized by rapidly progressive weakness, muscle atrophy, inability to control all voluntary movement, and eventual death, the former executive of the Moral Majority had difficulty performing basic functions like brushing his teeth, putting on his clothes and eating.
“When I would be thinking about the future, about my kids, my grandkids, my wife, my job, all of which would be taken away, I would sink in the darkness,” he revealed in his second short film “Consider the Birds.”
“When I can’t button my shirt or even do up the Velcro, it’s a reminder that I’m on the downward spiral … I’m afraid of tomorrow.”
But reflecting on God’s words in the Bible, particularly the verses found in the book of Hebrews, chapter 13, the Northern Ireland native stopped worrying about tomorrow and found comfort and peace.
“God has said ‘Never will I leave you never will I forsake you so we say with confidence the Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid.”
Those verses, which he wrote on a blue index card early on during his journey with ALS, were a reminder not only for him but also for his son Daniel, who previously served in Iraq, that God was with them.
“Giving Daniel to God and giving my disease to God is something I had to do every day and many times a day,” Dobson noted. “It’s not something you do and get on with your life. I was reminded of Jesus’ teaching who says don’t worry about tomorrow and he says look at the birds of the air, they don’t sow or reap or store barns yet your father takes care of them.”
The former pastor of Calvary Church, where he served for 18 years before his disease forced him to an early retirement, believes that when people are worried about the future, like he was, it is hard to find God.
But when Christians begin to live in the moment, they find that God is “right there” with them.
Though his journey with ALS has been long and filled with suffering, there have been many blessings that Dobson has discovered along the way, like newfound friendships with fellow victims of ALS.
During his last few days at Calvary, an emotional and incredibly difficult time for Dobson, he met and befriended J.J., a man who approached him at church telling him he too was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease.
“J.J. and I had not met until that Sunday at Calvary and within a week, because we were pilgrims on the same journey, he became one of my best friends,” Dobson revealed.
J.J. had difficulty speaking and swallowing due to his “bulbar onset” ALS, which made his speech slurred and nasal in character. Eventually, he lost all ability to speak.
Shortly after J.J. was diagnosed with the disease, he bought a Corvette and decided to drive route 66 to California with 13 of his friends. He also asked Dobson to come along with him and they took an unforgettable journey across the states.
The pastor commended J.J. for facing death with “courage, dignity and grace,” something he hoped to mirror and pass along to others in similar circumstances as well.
When J.J. passed away, he left the Corvette to Dobson in his will.
“I would have gladly given the Corvette back to have J.J. still here,” he said in his short film. “If J.J. were here, he would say I encouraged him a whole lot more than he encouraged me but the truth is I found great courage in knowing J.J. and yes, I feel an obligation to pass that on to as many people as possible.”
“Everyone I meet is on a pilgrimage or a journey and in the providence of God, our paths crossed and I think they crossed so we can mutually encourage each other. In retrospect, the random meeting of J.J. was a reminder that God was with me even on the worst of days.”
Not only has Dobson forged new relationships with his ALS “pilgrims,” but he has also learned to be an encouragement to everyone he meets, investing in one-on-one relationships as opposed to his former days mentoring thousands behind his pulpit on Sundays.
“When I was at Calvary, I preached to thousands of people every week,” Dobson stated. “Today, it’s one-on-one primarily and my struggle is you would think that influencing thousands is more important than influencing one. But I’m gradually learning that influencing one-on-one is way more important.”
Like Adam and Eve were told to take care of their own garden, Dobson finds that he too must tend to his own appointed “garden” as well by meeting with individual people and helping them on their journey.
He has restored many broken relationships with those whom he wronged or those who wronged him in the past, and is able to now see the value in relationships and the futility of pride.
“I think forgiveness is a great idea until you have someone to forgive,” he admitted. “And then it’s very difficult. You have to humble yourself, you have to admit you were wrong, you have to look at the person in the eyeballs and all of that is intimidating.”
Despite the initial reservations, however, once he began to forgive and be forgiven, he saw that he was now much slower to judge and quicker to listen.
His unexpected disease gave him wisdom, perspective, and also reminded him of what was important in life.
“I think humans have the capacity to think they’ll live forever,” Dobson commented. “You ain’t living forever.”
Once people begin to realize that their lives are coming to an end, they begin to realize how fragile life is and prioritize their day-to-day activities.
“One day it will be over but it’s not about how long I have left, it’s about how I spend the time I do have.”
Dobson now continues to invest in new and old relationships, and encourages everyone he meets with his story, which has been told through his books like When Facing a Life-Threatening Illness and The Year of Living Like Jesus, as well as through his ongoing short film series.
Five of seven short films have been produced so far, with the last two films about thanksgiving and healing to be released soon.
“Ed’s story is … real,” Steve Carr, executive director of Flannel, told The Christian Post. “A real individual dealing with real issues.”
Unscripted and put together as a response to real questions, Flannel’s film series about hope featuring Dobson is a beautiful reflection of his reaction to everyday life and death issues.
The idea for the series began several years ago after Dobson had written his book about his journey with ALS. When he sent a copy to his son Daniel who was serving in the military in Iraq, he told his father he should share his stories on film as well.
Dobson and his son eventually approached Flannel to ask them if they would be interested in turning his story into a film.
“I was amazed with and personally inspired by Ed’s ability not only to deal with the circumstances, but to inspire others,” Carr said. He too, knew what it felt like to face mortality, having been diagnosed with Leukemia.
“To show others the hope that only can come from Jesus is inspiring, to show them while you are facing a disease such as ALS is beyond inspiring,” he added. “I am humbled and honored that we are able to help Ed share his message of hope.”
His organization’s goal for “Ed’s Story” is simple: to share hope with a world that is desperately searching for some.
“At Flannel, we serve as a catalyst for creative communicators who share in our desire to tell the way of Jesus to the world. Ed used to do that from the pulpit, now he simply demonstrates every day. The hope he has is contagious!”
Attachment 2: “What So Bad About Being A Mama’s Boy?”
By KATE STONE LOMBARDI
My daughter Jeanie and I use Google chat throughout the day to discuss work, what we had for lunch, how we’re avoiding the gym, and emotional issues big and small. We may also catch up by phone in the evening. I can open up to Jeanie about certain things that I wouldn’t share with another soul, and I believe she would say the same about me. We are very close, which you probably won’t find particularly surprising or alarming.
Now switch genders. Suppose I told you that I am very close to my son, Paul. That I love hanging out with him and that we have dozens of inside jokes and shared traditions. Even though we speak frequently, I get a little thrill each time I hear his signature ringtone on my cellphone. Next, I confess that Paul is so sensitive and intuitive that he “gets me” in a very special way.
Are you starting to speculate that something is a little off? Are you getting uncomfortable about the kind of guy my son is growing up to be?
For generations mothers have gotten one message: that keeping their sons close is wrong, possibly even dangerous. A mother who fosters a deep emotional bond with her son, we’ve been told, is setting him up to be weak and effeminate—an archetypal mama’s boy. He’ll never be independent or able to form healthy adult relationships. As the therapist and child-rearing guru Michael Gurian wrote in his 1994 book about mothers and sons, “a mother’s job…is very much to hold back the coming of manhood.” A well-adjusted, loving mother is one who gradually but surely pushes her son away, both emotionally and physically, in order to allow him to become a healthy man.
This was standard operating procedure for our mothers, our grandmothers and even our great-grandmothers. Amazingly, we’re still encouraged to buy this parenting advice today.
Somehow, when so many of our other beliefs about the roles of men and women have been revolutionized, our view of the mother-son relationship has remained frozen in time. We’ve dramatically changed the way we raise our daughters, encouraging them to be assertive, play competitive sports and aim high in their educational and professional ambitions. We don’t fret about “masculinizing” our girls.
As for daughters and their fathers, while a “mama’s boy” may be a reviled creature, people tend to look tolerantly on a “daddy’s girl.” A loving and supportive father is considered essential to a girl’s self-esteem. Fathers are encouraged to be involved in their daughters’ lives, whether it’s coaching their soccer teams or escorting their teenage girls to father-daughter dances. A father who flouts gender stereotypes and teaches his daughter a traditionally masculine task—say, rebuilding a car engine—is considered to be pretty cool. But a mother who does something comparable—like teaching her son to knit or even encouraging him to talk more openly about his feelings—is looked at with contempt. What is she trying to do to that boy?
Many mothers are confused and anxious when it comes to raising boys. Should they defer to their husband when he insists that she stop kissing their first-grade son at school drop-off? If she cuddles her 10-year-old boy when he is hurt, will she turn him into a wimp? If she keeps him too close, will she make him gay? If her teenage boy is crying in his room, should she go in and comfort him, or will this embarrass and shame him? Anthony E. Wolf, a child psychologist and best-selling author, warns us that “strong emotional contact with his mother is especially upsetting to any teenage boy.”
None of these fears, however, is based on any actual science. In fact, research shows that boys suffer when they separate prematurely from their mothers and benefit from closeness in myriad ways throughout their lives.
A study published in Child Development involving almost 6,000 children, age 12 and younger, found that boys who were insecurely attached to their mothers acted more aggressive and hostile later in childhood—kicking and hitting others, yelling, disobeying adults and being generally destructive.
A study of more than 400 middle school boys revealed that sons who were close to their mothers were less likely to define masculinity as being physically tough, stoic and self-reliant. They not only remained more emotionally open, forming stronger friendships, but they also were less depressed and anxious than their more macho classmates. And they were getting better grades.
There is evidence that a strong mother-son bond prevents delinquency in adolescence. And though it has been long established that teenagers who have good communication with their parents are more likely to resist negative peer pressure, new research shows that it is a boy’s mother who is the most influential when it comes to risky behavior, not only with alcohol and drugs but also in preventing both early and unprotected sex.
Finally, there are no reputable scientific studies suggesting that a boy’s sexual orientation can be altered by his mother, no matter how much she loves him.
With all of the concern—some even call it a “crisis”—about boys falling behind girls academically, getting lower grades, exhibiting more behavior problems and going to college in falling numbers, you would think that this research about the benefits of mother-son closeness would warrant some consideration. If staying close to mothers helps boys to perform better in school, act less aggressively and avoid behaviors that will derail their lives, why is it still so discouraged?
Boys need and want a close connection with their mothers. But the pressure for mothers and sons to disengage begins at a shockingly tender age (one mother I know who was comforting her weeping 3-year-old was told that he should “man up”), and the pressure escalates at every stage, until a mom actually begins to believe that the best kind of parenting that she can offer is to leave her depressed, silent teenage son alone to work out his own problems. Heaven forbid that she threatens his masculinity by giving him a hug and trying to get him to talk about what’s bothering him!
I am not the only mother who has rejected this kind of thinking. A great many mothers keep their sons close; it is our little secret. And for the record, Paul, a young man now, is more than six feet tall, plays ice hockey, has lots of male friends and had a steady girlfriend in college. He’s self-assured and independent. The fact that I feel the need to reassure you—and myself—that our deep emotional bond has not compromised my son’s masculinity is telling. But, yes, we have a tight connection and my son is still OK, even “a guy’s guy.”
I’m tired of making excuses for our closeness, and I’m not alone.