At the most recent Gathering conference I sat in on a session where the dominant topic was dealing with family issues.  That reminded me of an article we published years ago ” but it is just as timely today.

The Baylor University Institute for Family Business convened a Forum of 50 people in San Antonio and used an interesting technique for helping family members understand the different dynamics in families.

The group was subdivided into several subgroups – including mothers” fathers sons and daughters of owners and in-laws. Each group was asked to converse among themselves and come up with messages they would like to send to the other groups. This meant what they would like for the other groups to understand or maybe think and do differently. See how they apply to your family ” family business and/or family foundation.

Messages from mothers:

We are the peacemakers and the go-betweens in the family.

Sons and daughters must be involved with outside advisors such as attorneys and CPAs.

Dads must not knock their son’s and daughter's ideas without thinking about them and giving them a chance to explain them.

Our legacy should be to pass on the values and ethics of the family.

Messages from fathers:

We recognize that many times we are not good planners.

Don't be gullible; use your head and common sense.

We feel that our kids want things done faster than necessary.

Messages from sons and daughters:

Thanks to mom and dad for the opportunity.

Communicate directly.

Allow us the freedom to make mistakes.

At some point” ” the father should assume the role of a consultant. Dads need to be more open-minded about change.

To outsiders: You are important. You belong. Don't try to play us one against the other.

To in-laws: If there is something to say” say it to the whole family ” not just your spouse.

Messages from in-laws:

Try to separate your relationship as a parent in the family from your role as a boss.

Let your children try new ideas.

Be open with your children regarding your plans and goals for retirement and succession. Everyone fears the unknown.

Focus on long-term goals.