For Paul, the sign of love was unity and the works of dissension, controversy, arguments and constant friction were not only evidence of immaturity but of false teaching and false living. The opposite of strife is peace and that is why he says later in this chapter, “The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet.” The enemy of the early church was not external as much as it was internal. The enemy of the early church was not the lack of religious freedom but the lack of brotherly love. We should not be deceived today. The enemy is not persecution and oppression. The church has thrived during those times. The work of Satan is in sowing seeds of disunity, controversy and malicious talk. The church will not be destroyed by outside forces but it will collapse from the inside.

So, we are not only to live with our differences but to be fully persuaded in our differences without letting that divide us. That is why Paul insists that one of the hallmarks of a mature fellowship is the ability to accept those differences – as deep as they might be. We are not to please ourselves or always be looking for ways to win arguments or proved right. We are to build each other up and please each other. We are to look to the interests of each other.

Now, pleasing someone is not the same as being a people pleaser. In fact, being a people pleaser is not really having the best interest of someone else in mind. It is simply an easy way to avoid conflict or commitment that may be unpleasant. I happen to be an expert in this area as I am a middle child and my learned response to conflict was to leave the house, climb a tree and read a book. I withdrew from conflict and gave everyone time to work things out and make it pleasant for me!

Paul is saying we are to bear with one another – which means patience with a purpose in mind. It is not merely tolerating them or avoiding them. It is accepting them as Christ accepts us. His acceptance does not leave us as we were but it moves us toward maturity. How does Christ accept us? He begins to completely remake us in his image and for his purposes until we are, as James puts it, mature and complete. He does not intend to touch us up or add a coat of paint. When we invite him into our lives we give him permission to totally remake us. In a similar way, we are to accept people in order to build them up – not excuse or ignore their immaturity. We are to be patient but not let up on our expectations for them to grow.

It’s an odd image but the word acceptance means, as we said last week, to literally digest something. What does our body do with digested food? It uses the nutrients to benefit the whole body – not just the stomach or one particular limb. That is exactly what Paul is saying. The church is to think of people being accepted – incorporated – not for their own benefit but for the benefit of the whole body. We are here to feed – not to be fed.

In his book, “A Resilient Life”, Gordon MacDonald talks about his high school track coach at the Stony Brook School – Marvin Goldberg. Gordon had great natural talent but it was undisciplined and untested. He wanted to run track for Marvin but had not impressed the demanding coach. He kept waiting for his name to be posted on the white bulletin board as someone who had been selected for the track team but weeks went by without that happening. Then one day he heard his name called. Not Gordon but Gordie.

“Upon hearing my new name, I headed in Goldberg’s direction. He was standing next to the white bulletin board. When I reached him, Goldberg put his hand on my shoulder and began to speak. As best as I can recall his words after all these years, he said,“Gordie, I’ve been watching you carefully. I think you have the potential to be an excellent runner. You have a runner’s body and a natural stride. And you are fast. But you have much to learn. If you are to compete for Stony Brook, you’re going to have to work hard. You’ll have to learn to discipline yourself, and it will mean that you have to trust me and follow my instructions. Every day you will have to come to this track and complete the workouts that will be listed on this board. Now, Gordie [the coach repeated one’s name often], don’t commit to this if you are not willing to give it everything you have.” And then he posed this question, “Gordie, are you willing to pay the price it takes to become a Stony Brook trackman?”

Marvin did the same in every area of life. I know because I was a young teacher under his influence. Talent was not enough. You had to be willing to pay the price to become a trackman or a teacher if you worked for Marvin. It was like working with a weight trainer who knew when it was time to add more weight – not too soon but never letting up.

That is how we are to accept people in the church. We incorporate them with the expectation that they will grow. They are not customers or clients to be pleased. They are not, as the saying goes, vessels to be filled. They are expected to mature and contribute to the growth of others. Church is not a service station. It is what Christ uses to remodel our lives and through us the lives of others.

Paul goes on to say that we can expect our pleasing people for their good and not just to get along or give in is going to include discomfort. As you well know, people respond in different ways to correction – or even kindly advice. As Paul says here, it may be with actual insults. Being genuinely interested in their long term good may well lead to being misunderstood, isolated, and insulted by the very ones you have tried to build up. You may lose a friendship. But, we don’t bear with people for compliments but for their good.

Rank has its privileges but maturity has its responsibilities.

We have to do some things that are inconvenient for us and difficult for them – but do them in a pleasant way. We are not to have the gift of rebuke or find great joy in calling people down. We are to be as willing to be exhorted as we do the same with others. It’s a challenge, isn’t it? How many people do you know who do a good job of correcting and encouraging at the same time without offending or belittling? My guess is very few. In fact, I only know two or at most three I have met who can do it naturally and confidently. For the rest of us, telling the truth in love is difficult and we shy away from it. But, one of the marks of a mature fellowship is finding a way to do that. John Wesley had a great system in his small groups. People reported on their progress and their obstacles every week so it didn’t build up. Each one had to answer 22 questions. For instance,

1. Am I consciously or unconsciously creating the impression that I am better than I really am? In other words, am I a hypocrite?
2. Am I honest in all my acts and words, or do I exaggerate?
3. Do I confidentially pass on to others what has been said to me in confidence?
4. Can I be trusted?
5. Am I a slave to dress, friends, work or habits?
6. Am I self-conscious, self-pitying, or self-justifying?
7. Did the Bible live in me today?
8. Do I give the Bible time to speak to me every day?
9. Am I enjoying prayer?
10. When did I last speak to someone else of my faith?
11. Do I pray about the money I spend?
12. Do I get to bed on time and get up on time?
13. Do I disobey God in anything?
14. Do I insist upon doing something about which my conscience is uneasy?
15. Am I defeated in any part of my life?
16. Am I jealous, impure, critical, irritable, touchy or distrustful?
17. How do I spend my spare time?
18. Am I proud?
19. Do I thank God that I am not as other people, especially as the Pharisees who despised the publican?
20. Is there anyone whom I fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold a resentment toward or disregard? If so, what am I doing about it?
21. Do I grumble or complain constantly?
22. Is Christ real to me?

I suppose if we had such groups today we would not have to worry about correcting each other or letting things build up to the point of saying things in exasperation or demonizing others.
It’s fitting that Paul follows this with words about endurance and encouragement.

First, our best encouragement is Scripture – not self-help or positive thinking. Only Scripture contains the whole truth about us. Neither positive self-talk or constant self-correction has the power of Scripture to be “living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”

Second, they are gifts from God for relationships that are wearing us down – but the gift does not come to those who avoid the issues or the complications. It comes to those who have accepted the hard work of helping others toward maturity.

And then God gives hope through encouragement and endurance. Hope does not come at the beginning of maturity but later on. It is not easy. It is not merely optimism. It is the result of of endurance and perseverance. It is, as Paul says elsewhere, what remains when all else has faded away.

I’ve passed many churches named “New Hope” and have often wondered what would be inside a church named “Old Hope” or a hope that has endured and become more and more sure in the course of life. George MacDonald wrote a book titled “The Diary of An Old Soul” and it is filled with thoughts about the hope that comes from endurance – not just enthusiasm.

In that same book by Gordon MacDonald I mentioned early he writes about E. Stanley Jones when he grew old. In his waning months before he died, Jones managed to mutter through virtually paralyzed lips the manuscript of a remarkable book. Short, admittedly disjointed at places, the book is E. Stanley Jones’s final declaration of faithfulness to Jesus. In one amazing paragraph he writes: There are scars on my faith, but underneath those scars there are no doubts. [Christ] has me with the consent of all my being and with the cooperation of all my life. The song I sing is a lit song. Not the temporary exuberance of youth that often fades when middle and old age sets in with their disillusionment and cynicism . . . No, I’m 83, and I’m more excited today about being a Christian than I was at 18 when I first put my feet upon the way.

Many of you know the story of Admiral James Stockdale – a veteran who survived almost 8 years in a P.O.W. camp. He was asked if the people who didn’t make it had anything in common, he said this:
“Oh, that’s easy, the optimists. Oh, they were the ones who said, ‘We’re going to be out by Christmas.’ And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they’d say, ‘We’re going to be out by Easter.’ And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart.”

“This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”

Hope is the ability to confront the most brutal facts of our current reality and still endure.

And all these gifts are given for a purpose: the glory of God and the building up of the people. They are not given for our personal consumption. They are building materials and not food.

Imagine going into Lowe’s this afternoon and saying “I’d like 50 2X4’s and 50 pounds of nails. Can you supersize those nails?” No, we misuse these materials when we think they are for our personal consumption and not to be used for construction. Encouragement, endurance and hope are for building up the body.

So, what is the end result? We start with the slow work of “bearing with” and end with a life full of peace and joy that spills hope.

Am I freely spilling hope or just trying to walk carefully and not lose my joy and peace?

Do I want a bigger cup instead of overflowing? Do I want to be full but not lose any of what I have?

How have I spilled a little hope on anyone this week?

Have I spilled time?

Have I spilled treasure?

Have I spilled talent?

Or, have I been so careful to be filled with peace and joy that I have missed the whole purpose of God’s gifts? Have I been so intent on self-development that I have missed the whole point – the building up of the church?