As well, as he had 700 wives and 300 concubines, I find it hard to believe he would have had the energy or creativity to compose such a letter to each of them. This was his first love and the mother of his son, Rehoboam, who became his successor.  This is Solomon before his great success, his wandering from the faith, and his dark reflections we read in the book of Ecclesiastes. “As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David his father had been…so Solomon did evil in the eyes of the Lord.

These are the words of Solomon the young man who only requested wisdom from the Lord that he might rule the people with an understanding heart.  “The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for this. So God said to him, “Since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, nor have asked for the death of your enemies but for discernment in administering justice, I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be. Moreover, I will give you what you have not asked for—both wealth and honor—so that in your lifetime you will have no equal among kings.”

So, our focus this morning is on a single verse in Chapter 2. “Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.” The little foxes are chewing away at the roots of the vines and the new growth of this relationship.

All relationships have issues that threaten to dig up what has been planted and is still fragile. It might be marriage as it is here but it is also friendships, organizations, even countries that become divided and distrustful. There are always little foxes at work.   I like the way Harold Martin puts it in “A Warfare with Little Foxes”. “But even this most exquisite marriage relationship had its share of bumps and bruises. Each partner was still a human being with a sin-prone heart. Each one did things to hurt their mate, and each one felt hurt in some way. Chapters 3 and 5 include examples of this. It was the little issues or “foxes” that were spoiling their otherwise happy relationship. Small issues became a big hindrance in this couple’s pursuit of total oneness…The little foxes are an example of the kinds of problems which can disturb or destroy a good relationship…What chews away at our lives?”

Likely, you and I are not in a new marriage relationship at the moment. So, maybe we should talk about the things that chew away at marriages and relationships that are mature and yet are still in danger of being damaged by the little foxes in our lives.  I know it is true for me.  What are the threats to my marriage?

Infidelity is never out of the question – no matter how old we are.  And, it is not always sexual, is it?  We can be unfaithful in other ways when we make work or other interests into lovers that draw us away from our spouses and families.  For too many ministers the church becomes a mistress and the family is left behind. For others, it may be our career or relationships outside our marriage that are not physical but become emotional affairs. Unfaithfulness, like a pandemic, has no regard for age.

Cynicism and resignation after so many years of being together makes us begin to say, “They will never change. They will always be this way. Why even try to hope?” It’s easy, isn’t it? But, when we turn it around and think about how it makes us feel when we think the other person is saying that about us we are discouraged.  Sometimes we want to change even though it looks like we are defeated every time and we just revert to the old behavior of being defensive or angry or withdrawn. Losing hope in the other person chews away at us over time.

Irritability is another fox. We lose patience with our spouse and begin to say, “After all this time they know that irritates me but they just keep doing it.” Or, we want them to read our minds or talk to them when we want to be silent or ask us questions that are uncomfortable.  We don’t get angry, really. We just push them away with a look or a comment.

Disrespect chews at our relationships. We take our spouse for granted and feel no remorse at embarrassing or belittling them in public or even throwing them under the bus to save our own self-image. We peck away at their flaws and habits. We focus on the things about which they are most insecure and use those against them.

Unkindness, the whole basis of good relationships, becomes a habit.  Years ago, a young man asked me about the key to a successful marriage.  I struggled because I am probably the last person he should have asked – or at least pretty far down the list.  We talk about gateway drugs as those that lead to others and, at least for me, kindness is a gateway virtue that leads to other virtues.

Several years before my friend asked his question, I stumbled into a passage of Scripture that changed my idea of sanctification as a list of things to do and others to avoid. Instead of a list, 2 Peter 1:5-7 showed a progression of one thing being added to another and making a pattern of pieces that fit together – instead of merely an accumulation of traits:

“For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge;  and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness;  and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love.”

It is not a prescription of duties and chores, but a description of a life that grows. There is a beginning – faith – and an end – love. But after faith what is the first step toward love? The Greek word used here, “arete,” is often translated as kindness or goodness. Kindness is where we begin, and that became, for me, the first rung on the ladder toward maturity.

The fox of self-centeredness is never sleeping.  We would rather talk and think about ourselves than the other person except on special occasions like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, birthdays and anniversaries. But other than that we have ourselves on our minds.

The Gospel Herald many years ago printed a statement, “How to be Perfectly Miserable.” Among the list of twenty statements were the following:

Think about yourself.

Talk about yourself.

Expect to be appreciated.

Be sensitive to slights.

Never forgive a criticism.

Never forget a service you may have rendered.

As someone said about the young Winston Churchill to explain why he had difficulty at dinner parties or in having conversations with young women, “The only subject which really interested him was himself.” As he said about himself, “We are all worms. But I do believe I am a glowworm.”

Finally, there is the root that actually grows and this is bitterness.

Vernon Grounds, in the book  Radical Commitment tells about an experience that John Claypool and his sons had many years ago. I want to read it to you.

Claypool was a businessman, the father of identical twin boys who from very early in life seemed inseparable. They dressed alike, looked alike, and did almost everything together.After they were through school, they took over their dad’s business, and they worked together so harmoniously that people in the community pointed to their relationship as a model of how people should cooperate with each other. On one particular morning, a customer came into their store and made a small purchase. The brother who served him took the dollar bill, put it on top of the cash register, and walked along with the customer to the front door and chatted with him for a while. After a few minutes, he went back to put the money into the drawer. But the dollar bill was gone! So he asked his brother, “Did you put a dollar bill into the cash register drawer?” His twin brother said, “I didn’t see any dollar bill.”

The first brother was surprised. “That’s funny,” he said, “I distinctly remember that I put it on top of the cash register.” A little later, he asked again, “Didn’t you take that dollar bill and put it in the cash register?” This time the brother answered with some feeling, “No, I told you before that I didn’t see it.”

Tension developed between those two brothers over that one single issue. Every time they discussed the matter, there were additional charges. The bitterness between them grew stronger and stronger, until eventually they broke their partnership. They split the store right down the middle, with each brother owning his half. The community was drawn into the quarrel. For twenty years the two men, the business, and dozens of other people were troubled by feelings of anger.

Then one day a stranger drove into town. He came to the store which had been divided down the middle, walked into one side, and said to the white-haired owner of the store, “How long have you been in business here?” When the owner told him that it had been for many years, the stranger said, “Then I’ve got something I must get squared up with you.”

“Twenty years ago,” he said, “I was unemployed and homeless, wandering around the country. One morning I jumped off the freight train I was riding, here in your town. I walked down a back alley hoping to find something to eat. Through the open door of this store, I saw a cash register with a dollar bill on top. Nobody was there. Only two men were up front. So I sneaked in and stole the dollar bill.”

He went on to explain that he had since become a Christian, and now his conscience was bothered by guilt. He had come to make restitution. He decided to return to this area where he had committed a number of wrongs, confess his theft, and pay whatever the store owners thought was due them!

The white-haired owner listened with tears running down his cheeks. When he gained his composure, he said, “Come with me, I want you to tell the same story to my brother.” He walked into the other half of the store, and before long those twin brothers were weeping in each other’s arms! There had been twenty years of hostility, twenty years of resentment, and twenty years of harsh bitterness—all of it over a simple misunderstanding!

So, there they are. Not the whole list as there are other foxes that chew away at the roots of our relationships but these are well worth thinking about this morning to discover if one or more of the little foxes are at work in your life – and mine!