This afternoon I am meeting with a young man who is trying to figure out what to do with his life now that he has left his company. I have found most people in this situation go around and have conversations with individuals and then try to process everything they have heard in their own heads. It’s a pretty standard way of getting advice. If your primary doctor gives you a diagnosis you can go get a second opinion. If your insurance quote is too high you can call another agent. We tend to get advice and counsel that way. I’m not sure it is the most effective way of working through life change decisions.

Years ago I was introduced to Parker Palmer and a process used by the Quakers called the Clearness Committee. (http://www.couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/clearness-committee). The purpose of the clearness committee is not to give direction or to “fix” people but to help people access the resources of a small group of trusted friends. It’s not an intervention or group therapy. Again it is not designed to come up with an answer to the person’s question about what to do. It is not a time to say “If I were you this is what I would do.” It is simply a way to access the value of a group working together instead of an individual being the only one to hear everything.

While some people are reluctant to impose on their friends or they feel asking a group is uncomfortable or sounds self-centered just the opposite is true. The friends are delighted and they love having the opportunity to learn from each other. If you are working through a decision try a clearness committee.